Aaron (Moses' brother): Hey, Reuven! I heard that things aren't so hot between you and Shimon. Well, Shimon wants to make up.
Reuven: Yeah, yeah, we all know your trick, Aaron. Don't BS me.
A: No, I'm telling the truth this time. He really wants to make up.
R: What about the hundred dollars he owes me? Or when his cow gored my cow? Huh?
A: Well, he told me--
R: Don't bother with the explanations, Aaron. The truth is that I just don't value Shimon's friendship. He has lots of character traits which I don't appreciate. He watches too much TV. He eats greasy food. He asks his mother for advice when he should be making his own decisions. And his pants and shirts always clash.
A: Shimon's less-than-desirable character traits should not be the only criterion with which you decide how much to value his friendship.
R: Oh yeah? Then what criteria would you recommend, Mister I-love-peace-and-pursue-it?
A: Um, well. Friendship is about... uh... it's about getting to. Uh, How about we ask the blog community for help on this one?
Based on what do you decide whom you want to be your friend?
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Good question. To what does this line of reasoning tend?
ReplyDeleteIt tends that Aaron Moses's brother (swe) was not as intelligent chalila as we make him out to be. See the e's hashkafa poll.
ReplyDeletewhoever keeps friending you on fb
ReplyDeleteModeh: not quite. I'm actually interested in the question at the end. I wrote it up as a dialogue just for fun.
ReplyDeleteRussian answer: somebody you can rely upon in a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteAmerican answer: somebody with whom you can have a good time.
mrs. teichtal once told me:
ReplyDeletethose who you've spent time with
they are your friends
Ah, the real friends are harder to find.
ReplyDeletein pirkei ovos it says "aquire for yourself friend." the great dennis prager is wont to say "date for friends as you would date for a marriage partner."
ReplyDeleteTo date friends you don’t need to take a blood test.
ReplyDeleteA real friend wouldn't hesitate to post on a friend's blog just because it was shabos.
ReplyDeleteSo now we have a bunch of definitions of who is a real friend:
ReplyDelete1. One on whom you can rely during rough times.
2. One who is fun to have around.
3. One with whom you spend time.
4. One who comments on blogs on shabbos.
I personally find that most of my friends are in category 3.
Anon: I can think of only one guy who would post on shabbos. Are you who I think you are?
re: e
ReplyDeleteHave you tried "1" yet?
You probably only do "3" if "2."
Friends are people whose company you enjoy and whose opinions you value. Their rambelings and thoughts are interesting to you, you share intrests etc.
ReplyDeleteOh and they reciprocate these feeling towards you
I heard someone say today: “You don’t protect yourself with people whom you trust.” Now, the specific context of the discussion was neuro-syphilis, but I think the quote can be applied to a wider range of situations.
ReplyDeleteWith friends you are not afraid of being vulnerable. Of being yourself.
"A friend is someone in whose presence you can think aloud without worrying about being taken advantage of. A friend is someone who suffers with you when you are in pain and rejoices in your joy. A friend is someone who looks out for you, and always has your best interests in mind. In fact, a true friend is like an extension of yourself."
ReplyDeleteThe Rebbe then asked with a smile, "Now, how many friends like that do you have?"
The question isn't "what is a true friend?" The question is "which not-yet-friends are worth befriending?"
ReplyDeleteThose who you naturally gravitate to and you build a relationship with inevitably, not one you forced.
ReplyDeleteI prefer to befriend people when I feel that I have something to offer them.
ReplyDeleteI like people I can learn from. Unless they're idiots...
ReplyDeleteRe: remember the of the sages!
ReplyDeletenotice sarabonne is not saying that she cannot learn from idiots, merely that she does not like 'em.
people that you find interesting are worth befriending. whether they prove to be true friends or not is a different question.
ReplyDeleteif you want to talk about being a true friend, which the dialogue indicates you do, it is those people who cause you more good than harm.
sounds selfish, but the idea is also that you are a good friend and cause them more good than harm as well.
friends are not like family and they're not like spouses.
(unless they're my friends, in which case the former generally applies. (actually, always. see spouses can be like friends, but friends cannot be like spouses. agree/disagree? lets take over the post and discuss that!))