Friday, March 2, 2012

Memories of Times Ago / Stirring the Strings of my Soul

Way back in my youth, in shiur Aleph mesivta, we learned Kuntres Uma'ayan with our not-so-venerated teacher, whom we called Larry. How exactly he got the nickname Larry was shrouded in the mysterious mists of ancient mesivta folklore. (Bochurim graduate after only three years, so folklore ages quickly there.) Anyhow, Larry would often show up late. I and one of my tablemates made up the following two songs about Larry's tardiness, which I happened to remember while showering this morning. (OK. I admit. I showered this afternoon.)

TTTO: "Always Late," from Shmuel Kunda's "The Magic Yarmulke"
Lyrics: Based on actual words said despairingly by my chavrusa early one morning
Kuntres Uma'ayan
Don't know what's flying
My notes are falling all over the floor
Ma'amer Zayin
Bechinas Acharayim
As Larry turns over in bed with a snore
Always late
Always late
Shiur Aleph they just hate
That Larry's always late

My tablemate and fellow songwriter wanted it to be "Shuir Aleph appreciates / That Larry's always late." But I thought my version fit better with the original song. Plus Shuir Aleph isn't a bunch of lowlifes who appreciate not having to learn. We are mature young men who just hate when our teacher doesn't show up.

The next song is titled "Ain't Gonna Miss Larry's Shiur." It parodies a song made by (or about?) Tiferes Bochurim titled "Ain't Gonna Miss Rabbi Lipskier's Shiur," which itself was a parody of "Ain't Gonna Work on Saturday." The Tiferes version featured such lyrical gems as "We drink ginger keil" and "We sleep on the bunk / To get closer to Havaya." I don't remember any more of it. Nor do I remember all of our version. With apologies to my past self and my tablemate, I will trascribe this song as best I can.

I was in the mikveh at seven thirty-eight
I thought that I would get it, for coming in so late
But I when I got to Mesivta
Boy, was I surprised
Larry hasn't shown up; it's already eight oh-five!
Ain't gonna miss Larry's shiur
Ain't gonna miss Larry's shiur
Ain't gonna miss Larry's shiur
Because he never shows up.


  1. I had a teacher who would show up on time but then he also threw chairs when he was angry. I'd have preferred he sleep late and not be pissed as hell.


Forth shall ye all hold.