Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Not Only Sarabonne has Roommates

My roommate: You know how people should really celebrate Easter? By dressing up as zombies. Doesn't Easter commemorate Jesus' becoming a zombie? What do bunnies have to do with it?
Me: Well, you know that the Easter bunny developed out of earlier, pagan traditions.
Roommate: Yeah, I know. Hey. I knew some Christians who wouldn't celebrate Halloween, because they say it's devil worship. They should make up for it by dressing up on Easter.
Me: What about the girls who want to dress slutty? Oh, I know! They can dress like Mary Magdalene.
Roommate: Yep, the only Biblically sanctioned costumes are zombies and Mary Magdalene.
Me: Well, the zombies in the Bible don't try to eat people's brains.
Roommate: The Christians are the zombies! They eat Jesus' flesh and blood.
Me: Right! That's why they're called born-again. Baptism symbolizes dying in the water and emerging reborn--as a Jesus-eating zombie.
Roommate: Totally. We've just figured out what Christianity is really all about. We should make sure our message gets out before Easter.


  1. Quick- switch to comparative religion and make this the cornerstone of your doctoral thesis!

  2. or become a goth minister and preach about zombies in the bible.

  3. You ought to reconsider it. I can find a nice black leather trench coat for you.

  4. Besides, starting new sects of religions is how you get rich.

  5. Goth Christians are not the richest demographic.

  6. But with the right spokesperson they could be.


Forth shall ye all hold.