Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Not Only Sarabonne has Roommates

My roommate: You know how people should really celebrate Easter? By dressing up as zombies. Doesn't Easter commemorate Jesus' becoming a zombie? What do bunnies have to do with it?
Me: Well, you know that the Easter bunny developed out of earlier, pagan traditions.
Roommate: Yeah, I know. Hey. I knew some Christians who wouldn't celebrate Halloween, because they say it's devil worship. They should make up for it by dressing up on Easter.
Me: What about the girls who want to dress slutty? Oh, I know! They can dress like Mary Magdalene.
Roommate: Yep, the only Biblically sanctioned costumes are zombies and Mary Magdalene.
Me: Well, the zombies in the Bible don't try to eat people's brains.
Roommate: The Christians are the zombies! They eat Jesus' flesh and blood.
Me: Right! That's why they're called born-again. Baptism symbolizes dying in the water and emerging reborn--as a Jesus-eating zombie.
Roommate: Totally. We've just figured out what Christianity is really all about. We should make sure our message gets out before Easter.

8 comments:

  1. Quick- switch to comparative religion and make this the cornerstone of your doctoral thesis!

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  2. or become a goth minister and preach about zombies in the bible.

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  3. You ought to reconsider it. I can find a nice black leather trench coat for you.

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  4. Besides, starting new sects of religions is how you get rich.

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  5. Goth Christians are not the richest demographic.

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  6. But with the right spokesperson they could be.

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Forth shall ye all hold.