Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Bad Book Supporteth Mushrooms

38 And John answered Him, saying, "Master, we saw one casting out devils in Thy name, but he followeth us not, so we forbad him because he followeth not us."
39 But Jesus said, "Forbid him not, for there is no man who shall do a miracle in My name that can lightly speak evil of Me.
40 For he that is not against us is on our side.
41 For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in My name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.

39 comments:

  1. sorry, e. you've reached an all-time low, in my opinion. quoting yashke and the new testament doesn't balance to the humor you're trying at

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  2. I'm not trying to do anything. I'm just writing what's on my mind. I read the passage, had a thought, and posted.

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  3. Kindly remove post. Now. Thank you. It's not holding forth, it's holding backwards.

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  4. oh man, am i gonna get crusified for writing a poem about santa?

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  5. The funny thing is, when I see a New Testament quote I actually have to see it in Hebrew to properly understand it!
    (http://www.kirjasilta.net/hadash/Mar.9.html)

    ..but i'm still not sure what you're suggesting..

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  6. Since when did e have any responsibility to not post quotes from the new testament? Like the rest of us, he can do whatever the heck he wants.

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  7. Modeh B'MiktsasNovember 20, 2009 at 1:04 PM

    It took a second for me to get what you were talking about. For a minute I thought you meant the psychidelic kind.

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  8. TRS: Thank you. You said exactly what I wanted to say. Comments are for people share their thoughts, not to give orders.

    Altie: not crucified, just pushed off a two-story building and then have stones thrown at you. And we'll make sure to do it while you're moderately intoxicated.

    Shriki: a. I didn't get any new insight upon reading the Hebrew version. What did you miss the first time?

    b. a mushroom is a Chabad house which isn't sanctioned by Chabad HQ.

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  9. good luck with that. im reading it at the slam.

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  10. Oh, I was wondering about the mushroom part.

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  11. You're wrong E. Mushrooms work against us.

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  12. Nemo: ain't necessarily so. Besides, who's us and what's working against? Is everyone who doesn't follow the official line "against"?

    shriki: I find that the New testament works very well in latin and even better in Chinese. (In lating I get every third word. In Chinese I don't get any)

    e: How many of hte bochurim in our blogging group never got thrown out of yeshiva? (pre bar mitzva doesn't count.) I bet we have more in common with Jesus than you would think.

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  13. e: "What did you miss the first time?"- Nah, in general all that old English throws me off a bit. Things are just much clearer in biblical Hebrew (especially a work that's meant to be an extension of the Hebrew bible. ..I mean, who's "Elias"?

    "a mushroom is a Chabad house which isn't sanctioned by Chabad HQ"- ok, no way in HELL I would have guessed that man.

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  14. Modeh: "I find that the New testament works very well in latin"- The thing is, even though, as I just said, the new testament is an extension of the HEBREW bible, it was originally written in GREEK, so it does come out kind of...funny in Hebrew. You can tell from the beginning that the authors were antagonistic about the scholars, and use semi-derogatory terms that aren't used in Hebrew. Even the quotes from the bible are usually just summarized, which comes off sounding silly in Hebrew, so...maybe you should just stick to the Latin. ..or better yet, the Greek.

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  15. By the way, just so happens to be a really fun chapter of Luke. I love this line: "אִם יָדְךָ תַּכְשִׁיל אוֹתְךָ, קַצֵּץ אוֹתָהּ. מוּטָב לְךָ לָבוֹא לַחַיִּים גִּדֵּם מֵאֲשֶׁר לָבוֹא עִם שְׁתֵּי יָדַיִם לְגֵיהִנּוֹם"!

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  16. Shriki:I read latin but I don't read greek. I never tried reading it in Hebrew. SHould be fun, though I did read some of the dead sea scroll stuff in the original. They sound like some of the angrier bloggers out there.

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  17. Modeh: How many have been kicked out of yeshiva? I dunno. I haven't. I know TRS and Mottel haven't. I don't think Dowy has. I'll make a poll.

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  18. Modeh B'MiktsasNovember 22, 2009 at 6:19 PM

    Make another for how many have flirted with a waitress,

    another for how many accidentally interrupted their rebbi in the middle of krias shma,

    and a last one for how many think chumros are a waste of time.

    Particularly the last one will have a lot of us looking like der gepeigerte mamzer.

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  19. e: In fact you are wrong... in shiur aleph mesifta I was kicked out for two days...

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  20. In shiur aleph mesivta, I was also sorta kicked out. The hanahala didn't know what to do with me. So they let me stay in the Yeshiva, but they didn't try to make me do anything.

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  21. I was chutzpadik about something or other, I don't recall the specifics. Bichlal, I had a really tough time in shiur aleph mesifta fitting in and trying to figure out what was going on, but eventually I learned.

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  22. I just moped around and didn't do much of anything. Shiur Aleph sucked for me too.

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  23. Modeh B'MiktsasNovember 23, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    The lubavitch mesivta system is different than what I'm used to. What age is "shiur aleph mesivta"?

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  24. Seems like how it is in the Haredi yeshivot in Israel: yeshiva ketana (high school) has shiur alef-gimmel, then the same in yeshiva gedolah (beis medrash), alef-dalet. After that you've got ..I think it was called "kibbutz" alef-kollel...

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  25. Technically, I was kicked out of yeshivas twice. But I still voted that I have never been kicked out of a yeshiva. Only once was for good and I was leaving a week later anyways. The other time, I went to Jerusalem for a weekend, then came back a couple days later and sat down in Zal. No body said a word.

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  26. i love the new testament its funny.

    e- have your read revelations at all. you can support any idea from what it says there.

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  27. Nemo: I'm sorry, you better change your vote.

    What did you do to warrant getting kicked out?

    Fakewood: same with Daniel.

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  28. Nemo: even not for good counts.

    fakewood: Daniel, tre asar, l'havdil tanya.

    e: how did you manage?

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  29. manage what? surviving shiur aleph? with great difficulty

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  30. I was kicked out of one place for a combination of getting caught at Barnes & Nobles and getting caught trying to connect to dial-up internet at 3 in the morning. Who woulda thought my crazy boarding family would pick up the phone at that hour? Apparently someone was expecting a call.

    The second time was because over Pesach the drone, rosh yeshiva-worshipping dorm counselors made a full scale search of all belongings left in Yeshiva in Bnei Brak. They uncovered pictures that I had developed, which included a trip to Eilat and worse, pictures of bochurim (including shluchim) at a bar watching the Super Bowl. It was the latter offense which was cause for my expulsion because the only thing worse than going to a bar in Israel is anything to do with sports. You try explaining to your Yerushalmi rosh yeshiva that it is a mesorah by us Americans that we must watch this important football game every year.

    So I got kicked out, tried to get into Mayanot under the pretense of looking to find a more productive place to learn, but they told me I was too frum for them. A couple days later, I showed up for seder in Bnei Brak and pretended to learn.

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  31. The Barnes and Noble issue was in Pittsburgh? I didn't think they would be so Fahrenheit 451-esque.

    A bunch of guys watch the game, but only the guy with the pictures gets in trouble?

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  32. 1. Yes, B&N was verboten in Pittsburgh. The truth is that that particular chucking was on account of a number of factors. Incidentally, there were at least four other people who were there with me that night who were not thrown out.

    2. Two explanation for the RY's erraticism, one practical, the other cynical:

    a) This was still during Pesach bein hazmanim and I was the only one around to let his rage out on. Also, as it turned out, I had left the air conditioner on for a week while I was away from the apartment that he let me stay in during Bh"z. He had just discovered this as I walked in that day. That made this two strikes against me.

    b) Yerushalmi logic

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  33. Since when does lubavitch forbid internet?

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  34. in yeshiva!!!!! avada!!! bist du a sheigetz!!!! fe internet pritzus!!!!!!!!!!!!.

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  35. Rabbi Akiva Wagner, the Rosh Yeshiva in Toronto, was addicted to chabadtalk.com at one point.

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  36. ha, chabadtalk...does it still exist? haven't been on in a good few months.

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Forth shall ye all hold.